My new mum tum

I stare at myself from side to side and whilst at home in my bedroom i feel confident.. i then see Instagram and i see girls who look how i used to look or skinny girls with an amazing and perfect figure and i feel rubbish and jealous. i want to be able to feel confident when leaving the house and feel confident in the clothes that i choose to wear, just like i used to.

 I touch my soft belly and i’m reminded i don’t look how i use to and that i will never look the same again, in that moment i have two choices to either fall into self pity or be positive. It’s a mental battle to CHOOSE to be positive and to take this moment and tell myself i’m not who i once was and that i am in fact better and more beautiful, but i don’t always see my body and stretch marks as looking better or see them as looking more beautiful. 

I was happy with my body before and how my curves looked and the smoothness of my skin, now my belly is saggy squishy and striped with different colours, i hate that i am left with this excess skin. My heart knows i created the most beautiful baby and i wouldn’t change a thing but my mind battles to accept my new body. I know i need to accept myself and love how i look now but i can’t always find the strength within to love my new ‘shape’. 

I hold Hudson and when he is giving me a cuddle i see how beautiful and precious he is, he’s innocent and pure and i realise i need to be strong for him. I cannot allow myself to feel shame, and because of him i find strength to fight my mental battles and to tell myself that i am enough and for him i will be stronger.

I am very thankful for having a partner who still tells me everyday that my body to him is still beautiful because it’s what grew his child and brought him into the world, knowing he feels this way about me also helps so much and i admire him and adore him beyond words. 

I’m sure i will be able to tone it and loose the weight eventually but at this moment being a full time mum living a little bit away from family where childcare isn’t great its just not so possible right now, I will choose to love myself as i am now and push to be better.